Birthdays away from home

It was my birthday recently. I was very excited in the lead up to it. I felt like I was 6 years old again, eagerly anticipating a wealth of presents, attention and love. On the day, I got all of that. But something was missing. Something, at first, I couldn't quite put my finger on. As the day pressed on, I kept finding my eyes welling up, and a feeling of utter sadness overcome me. What was wrong with me? Was I was being a spoilt brat? Was I upset over a missing gift? I couldn't work it out. My husband showered me with love and attention, as he always does; he took me for brunch at our favourite cafe and cooked me a lovely dinner, I received birthday wishes from my friends and family, as well as all the gifts I had been desperate for (a part-time pay check doesn't pay for as much as a full time one, hence my list of birthday wants, no make that needs). What was missing was me. I was missing from my own birthday, in Sydney, with my family and friends, and especially with my sister, whose birthday falls on the day after mine. It has always been a bit of an event in our house (and probably a headache for my parents) and it has always been special.

I don't know why i felt it so acutely this year. I don't think I noticed last year because of the lead up to the wedding (and our trip home) and the building work we were about to undertake. The year before, my parents were here. Perhaps, as a friend recently wrote to me, it is just time to come home.

And so, it was a bitter sweet day. Not to say I didn't have a wonderful day, I did, it just amplified what i am missing too.

Lots of love
P xo